Monday, Sept. 20, 2004 - 8:39 a.m.

It is 7am and I just rolled out of bed and headed for the computer. Even in a 1/2 sleeping stupor this is the most normal I have felt since coming home last Tue. Thank goddess!

I have gotten some pretty amazing emails from you guys lately, and am adding them to the FEEDBACK section as I write this entry.Thanks, I needed that!

Yesterday was the first time that I felt any sense of coming home, or normal, or able to breathe.

I headed up to the Marin Headlands. I used to work at the hostel there, years and years ago. And despite the difficulties of living with strong headed adults (and some quirky folks) in that isolated environment, there is a connection that remains with me. So I tend to go there when I come home now. A n emotional base of sorts.

I gave out some souvenirs, answered loads of questions (yes, they asked many, it was great!) and generally just felt really comfortable. Hmmmm. Nice.

Then I went on my CL hike. It was all women this time, wow. Its usually way too many men, but it was all chicks. It was great. We talked way too much about traveling and cultural differences and all that, but so what. We did a moderate hike for about 2 hours. I was happy after scootering for so long to last even this 2 hours. haha. It was so beautiful! I just love the mountains here!

Then a buddy of mine from the hostel and I went out for dinner. Friggin $19 hamburger! Tomorrow ends my week of vacation, and thats when I will start cooking pasta in the hostel and eating a taco for dinner. Looking forward to it in a way really. The portion sizes here make me feel gross afterwards. I dont know how I did it before, and I dont think I can continue to eat this way for long now.I could just NOT eat whats on my plate, but its so ingrained in me by my immigrant parents not to waste food. And I am cheap. Doggie bags are shit you gotta carry around with you, blah blah blah.

I am really excited that when I go to the restrooms here there isnt that moment when I think "Will it be squat or western?" Thats nice.

A few of you are asking me if I miss Taiwan. Yes, I do. I miss the friends that I made there at the end and I miss the kids, sorta. I dont miss th humidity or teaching. I dont miss the food one fucking bit. I miss people being genuine; wether it being genuinly rude or nice. I am getting a VERY fake feel from the folks I am chatting with. Even the cutie library guy who was more than into talking about this movie he saw recently. Just a bit weird.

I also feel weird speaking English. Dont know how thats possible since I never spoke anything else when I was gone (numbers dont really count!). But I feel incredibly self conscious when I speak it. Which is all the damn time. Maybe its cause the whole time I was in Taiwan I was dying to have real, intense, intellectually stimulating conversations and truth is that those are not something you (or I) do on an hourly basis. One example of happy happy joy joy memories. Missing something that was not a constant at home either.

I also miss an income. haha. I should be calling the temp agency right now, but I cant make myself. I am not even in my dorm room if they call. Naughty monkey girl!

Truth is, I havent even bought proper office clothes, so if they call and say "Can you be at such and such at 9am?" What do I say. "Oh, I was hoping to have a few more days off from work so I didnt buy any proper clothes. If I can go in my PJ's then sure I can be there at 9am. But if not, then shove the job up your ass and call me tomorrow. " Um, dont think thats a good idea. hahahah.

Impossible to deny the line that is forming behind me. Really gotta wake up earlier to get the proper amount of writing done, but am so enjoying restful sleep-was so hard to get in Taiwan. Wonder why, wonder, wonder.

So, keep the emails coming. I really feel like I drivel here, so if anything sticks out to you or forms a question in your head, let me know. I live for feedback, not kidding!