Saturday, Sept. 18, 2004 - 8:08 a.m.

Still feeling a bit weird. Not really inspired to write about it, but wanna keep this log of my travel and return from Taiwan going....so here goes!

On the minority issue.

Growing up in PA my family WAS the ethnic minority. "Oh, look at the weird Italian family." Yeah, whatever. But my siblings and I grew up as American as you can with immigrant parents. So I never really understood this weird attention.

But I looked (mostly) like everyone else there, so I never really felt THAT diff. Then I moved to LA when I was 20.

The first place I lived in LA was North Hollywood. At the time (and possibly still now) it was a very Mexican part of town. I walked down the street and got loads of attention (good and bad) cause I was NOT latin. But I was, but I wasnt. HHHmmmmm.

But that was still in my home country, and all I needed to do was go a few miles west and I was considered a minority anymore. Ok.

THEN I went to Taiwan last year. There was NO mistaking the strong attention I got there. None at all. I was a minority to the most extreme extent. Not just in that town, in that part of the country or even in that country. In that entire part of the WORLD I was pasty white, Europeanish, North Americanish looking. I was DIFFERENT. I WAS the foreigner.

I wonder what my reaction to this would have been IF there wasnt all the pointing, staring and laughing that the Taiwanese were doing the whole time I was there. But I will never know the answer to that question because that attention WAS there.

What I can tell you is the intense weight of this being an issue everywhere at every moment I was not alone. I became somewhat used to it, but not completely. I thought that the intensity had worn away til I was walking down the street of San Francisco the other day. There was an ease and a lightness in the air, and I couldnt figure it out. After much pondering (and walking on sidewalks, remember them?) I got it!

I AM NOT AN UNWANTED MINORITY HERE IN SF!

This blast of realization made me instantly sad. Why the hell were there ANY "unwanted minorities" around the world. In LA they were the Mexican immigrants, in Boston there were "those Portugese" and the list goes on and on.

I dont give a shit about my discomfort in Asia. I was paid well to be there and made a conscious choice about going and leaving.

What I care about and am annoyed with is peoples closed mindedness. Who gives a shit if someone is from another part of the world? I personally have always thought and will probably always think that this makes them more interesting and possibly more mentally flexible to deal with issues that people stuck in one area for a long time are having problems solving.

But we know how weird I am!

But again, I was away 10 months. And although I feel strange walking in a city where I am not hated and made painfully aware of how diff I am every minute of every day, I wonder. How about those folks who grow up here being that diff to most Americans. Do they feel that intensity, that heavy weight their whole lives? Fucken eh! I just cant imagine. I really cant.

I was/am a really grounded person. I have taken a long time to get to know who I am and what the hell I want in life. And yet while I was over there I was so mind clouded and sometimes even ashamed of who I was and where I was from. To go through life with that feeling must be insane.