Friday, Sept. 10, 2004 - 10:43 a.m.

A word about my Taiwan insomnia. I sometimes think it is unfair to call it insomnia, cause I did sleep, BUT it was not until after sunrise AND it was not refreshing. Anyway, it has almost gone away since I left my apartment. I dont know if it was the apartment or the stress of being here that did it, but now I come home at 1:30-2am and fall asleep almost instantly. What the hell? I am going to assume its a combination explanation, cause I think being uncomfortable here is def a factor.

Had Thai food last night at the ONLY good Thai place in Tainan, Malibu Thai. K. met me there and then a new friend met us a bit later. And my social life gets better and better, and then I am leave. lol.

Tonight is my last night at work. If I have my way, possibly my last day teaching ever. But I doubt it. I think even though I am NOT intensely gifted at teaching there is something in me that wants to share info of many varieties and even if its on a volunteer basis, I will teach again in some way.

I almost cried twice yest. Once after we got the scooter paperwork done and I was headed to work. I was thinking of all the help my boss and his wife and the staff at school have given me. I got really sad cause my boss has been really distant and choppy with me this week. I hope I can somehow let him know how much his help AND mere existence have made this experience so incredible.

There is a part of me that thinks he's taken it personally that he could not help me out of not liking it here. Its so not! Then there is a part of me that remembers that the world does NOT revolve around me, and hes probably just really busy and preoccupied with other things.

The second time was in the middle of my oral tests I was doing last night. This was one of my advanced classes that I have had for a long time. There is such a wide range of smart to struggling students in this class. What got me was seeing them thinking (and possibly hearing my teaching voice) in their head as they were answering the questions. I was really happy cause from our first oral test together to this one so many of them have become more relaxed while speaking.

If I were to pick ONE goal with teaching English in Taiwan, it would be to get the kids to be comfortable enough to talk. Make mistakes, screw up your verbs, forget your s's on plural nouns, but just keep talking. They are so careful and scared to do this, so when they do I glow. The CT in this class can take MAJOR credit for their improved grammar and writing abilities,cause she is a truly amazing teacher, but I want to claim credit for thier relaxing and talking dammit. lol.

But I didnt cry either time. My eyes feel amazing these days, but I dont wanna let loose just yet. I guess you can say I am saving my tears for when I touch down in SF. Assuming that after 19 horus of traveling I will have the energy to cry. lol.

I did have a crazy idea for post Taiwan yest. Its still very much in the planning stages, and I dont know if I am ballsy enough to do it, but it involves a computer (shock!), a hut in Thailand and 3 months. hmmmmmmmmm.