Sunday, Aug. 22, 2004 - 6:39 p.m.

Nuttin like a little Christmas Cheer in the summertime. Here is a Chrismas card I picked up last year in Taiwan. It's a sanitary napkin package. You can even see a little pad in the lower left! Her words express worry that she missed her period and is preggie.

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Spoiled. Today I am feeling like a spoiled brat. I spent the afternoon with a newbie in Tainan. Really nice girl. But inevitably when I get together with other foreigners here I bitch. And bitch, and bitch. It was mostly good humored today, but it was still there.

There are women in the world that simply HAVE to live in survival mode. Food, shelter and good health all at the same time are luxuries. One of my fav programs on the National Geographic Channel on TV is this where they follow these medical doctors who are going all over the world doing volunteer work. The program last night covered a doctor in mainland China and Mozambique.

I just find it amazing that people find a way to give that much of themselves. I would love to do that kind of volunteer work, but dont have a specific skill like that. But more importantly, I dont think I am strong enough. I thought I was pre-Taiwan. Now I know better. Just being here has challenged my sanity in so many ways I never thought it COULD be challenged.

I have pondered the Peace Corps many times. Along with many other programs like it, but have never had the balls to make the jump. I dont think I am strong enough for that kind of isolation. Wow, cant believe I finally admitted that.

Having said that it drives me mad here to travel this far and live this long in a country and NOT do anything to help anyone at all. The English teaching business is cloaked in greed and money. From the schools who charge their students loads of money to the teachers that pick jobs based on salary and perks. I am NO exception. But it disgusts me. I teach kids from well off families. They want English so they can make more money. Period. Full stop.

Sometimes it makes me sick.

This is one of the things I have to ponder when I get home. There has to be another way to do this that isnt so greedy and isolating!