Monday, August 2 - 1:29 p.m.

Weekend, what weekend? haha. I seriously slept through Saturday. I think the combination of forcing myself to work all of last week, so soon after the surgery in combination with all the new walking wore me out more than I thought.

As for the eyes (I know you are dying for an update!), the worst day was sat and sun. Then when I went to see the doc on Sun he told me that my eyes were dry. How can dryness be so damn painful. I felt/feel a deep eye socket pulling. I can feel every movement of my eye and it hurts like hell. Dont most people have most pain after the surgery and then get betta? No, not me. I have to do everything in life the complete opposite! ahhhhhhh.

So, in addition to the eye drops I am now using eye gel. Yest when I came home I added one or the other at least every 10 min. By the time I went to bed a lot of the pain was gone. But as I was falling asleep I could feel my eyes tightening again. ugh. I had heard of this dryness being a temp condition after the surgery, but never imagined that dryness would feel this insanely bad!

The worst part is the cost. The eye gel, and 2 sets of eye drops, in the smallest bottles humanly made, cost 550 nt, about $15 US. I know this doesnt seem like a lot. But I honestly feel like I can go through this gel in a couple of days. And my doctor is in the next big city south of here, Kaoshung. So the cost of getting there is 214 nt for return train ticket, 200 nt in taxi rides and lots of time waiting. Next time I am buying way more lube all at once. Ugh!

I have a new class today. One of my beginner classes is on a break, so I am taking over my vacationing co-workers classes for a few weeks.

Now its time to get personal.

Some crazy shit has been happening in my head since the surgery. I have not lived with my folks since I was 20 years old (over 10 years), but every now and then their negative words make their way into my head. I have had plently of practice dealing with this shite over the years, but this time, I was NOT ready.

I was so excited after the surgery that I did not expect it at all. But my dreams as of day 2 post Lasik as well as some pre-falling asleep thoughts were crazy negative. The dreams were harping on every insecurity I have had in my life. Characters from my childhood surfaced and played key roles in trying to put me in my place. It is only this weekend that these weird dreams finally stopped.

Isnt it amazing that years and years after we leave such a toxic environment it can still come back to haunt us at the weirdest times. I am sure that if my parents were to comment on my surgery they would say something neg, my mom is the one who called after 10 years of silence during my last year at uni to tell me that a college degree was a waste of time. So why not more negative bullshit to add to that. Weird man, really weird. Ugh!