Thursday, Jul. 29, 2004 - 1:49 p.m.

I had a long period of time yest where the pain from my eyes was next to nothing. And then walking home it was wonderful. I still cant get over how clear my vision is now. The dryness and heaviness of my eyes are my main problems now. But it hasnt been a week since I paid someone (Dr. Yang, lol) to tear open my eyes and scrape away. So some pain is to be expected. Just wish I had an audio book for this weekend. I need to find something I can do while keeping my eyes closed. Its sort of sick, I have all this energy from the empowerment of it all, yet I need to rest my eyes to speed up the healing process. ahhhhhhhhhh. I am NOT known for my patience!

You are supposed to have check ups for at least the first three months after the surgery, but I am leaving Taiwan after 1 month. Ooops. There are plenty of Lasik dr's in SF, so I guess its a good idea for me to stay there for at least 2 months while my eyes stabilize. Good. I was hoping to talk myself into something like that anyway.

Now the trick is finding a dr who will not charge me the price of my unborn first child for these checkups, and who will see patients who did not get the surgery done by them. So far I got a quote from one place where they charge $500 US for unlimited check ups for 3 months. Um, ok. But thats almost what I paid for the surgery.

Luckily, I have a month to do the research. I have a check up here this w/e, and am going to get the scoop on how stable my eyes will be after this first month. If it truly is too risky without health insurance, I may end up bugging my boss to keep me on for another two months. Would hate to do this, I hate being wishy washy, and they may have hired someone already. Not to mention I still dont like it here. But I am the genius that did major surgery one month before taking off, so I will have to act accordingly now. No regrets, my vision is amazing and I am glad I did it.

Some of my kids were asking why I was wearing my sunglasses inside during class yest. I assumed that the assistant teachers were telling the students (wouldnt you?), but I guess not. Our new, fab teacher asked me about it and if she could tell the kids. Cool. And she did. I really dont want them to think I got hurt and had to have surgery though. These kids are really sweet and would start to pity me and be all gooey and concerned about it if this were the thoughts. But they didnt react too weird. Tonight is my fun, 14 year old class. I am going to play with them about this. haha. I pity thier too cool for school asses. yyaaaaaaaaaaaa!

As you can guess by now, there isnt much going on for me right now other than this eye thing. I am starting to make tentative plans for coming back to San Fran, and quite excited about that. So far I have contacted my old temp agency, some possible sublets and oodles of friends warning them of my possible presence. It is actually sad to be home for a short period of time, but I really need it right now. Its sad because I am reminded how I dont have enough time to be a part of the lives of my friends in any real way. My best friend in the entire world has a really amazing event coming up, and try as I may, I just cant plant myself on native soil long enough to be there for her. She doesnt expect me to, but it would be nice once in a while to be normal, I think.

I remember watching an old Brady Bunch episode where Alices glamorous sister visits from traveling. They havent seen each other in ages and there are layers upon layers of tension and sadness between them. The Brady Bunch. Hmm. This was one of the few times that I saw someone on TV that I could see myself becoming. Not that I wanted to travel the world and miss out on everything at home, but something resonated with me. How old was I, geesh, 7, 8 years old maybe? And I knew then that this weird lifestyle would take a hold of me.

I traveled a bit when I was 17, but then nothing overseas again til I was 30! Whoa. All that time it felt weird to have this sort of detachment for many things that people were absorbed in at home, but there it was. I didnt dream of making a lot of money or owning a house. Or of a stable job. I wanted variety and challenge and newness. Even with this knowledge, I still fell into traveling, instead of planning my way into it. Some powerfully clever universal energy brought me here.

Ah, I have to stop this train of thought now. I cant cry for 2 more weeks and that is what I wanna do when I think of this stuff. The torture of being a free spirit and not being one at all. I love my friends and they are my rocks in my floating universe, but I cant be there for them in a traditional, pop over at 3 in the am when there is a breakdown sort of way. They seem to understand and accept me as I am now, but I am still struggling with it. Someone please shed a tear for me, cause I usually feel betta after I do, but dont wanna fuck up my eyes right now by doing that.