Monday, Jul. 12, 2004 - 2:28 p.m.

The good news is that I am getting sick of my doubting and insecure nature that has reared its ugly head while living in Taiwan. The bad news is that its not listening when I say, "SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Here is a list I made last week while eating lunch at Starbucks. Yes, thats what its come to, eating sandwiches at Starbucks. sigh.

Over the past 9 months in Taiwan:

I HAVE NOT:

* Learned enough Chinese for more than a point and order food conversation

* found a "home"

* found true love or even a temp life partner

* lost 20 pounds ("Everyone loses weight in Asia!" Bullshit. Most of the foreigners I know here gain due to the fried and doughy nature of the food.)

* grown my hair long (had this one completed before recent x-mas tree haircut.)

* volunteered or made a difference in any real way (It's a good thing that the orphanage I was trying to volunteer at never contacted me. Turns out its illegal to volunteer without it being added to your ARC.Yes,foreigners have been deported for volunteering. Not kidding. There is a very recent example of this in Scott Ezrell.)

* added any positive character traits such as patience or understanding

* learned much about modern Taiwanese culture other than by observation

To be fair I must add a positive side to this list.

I HAVE:

* survived in Taiwan for 9 months without going completely mad (harder to achieve than you can imagine. I am in Tainan, remember that!)

* Finely tuned my charades skills

* Lost all muscle tone and thus a few pounds since muscle weighs more than fat.

* Misplaced my eating manners along with the rest of this society (slurp, burp)

* Increased my sarcasm to monumentous levels (even though the locals dont understand what the hell I am saying when I use these skills)

* Sucessfully traveled back in time to my insecure, "I hate my body and hair" high school self image.

There you have it!